How is my short story? I want advice please :) 10points for best help?
Dylan dropped Tori’s arm and everyone focused their attention on me. Dylan made a face as if to say, you’ve got to be kidding me. “ I know that’s not the real story. You don’t just get a free scholarship to this place unless you killed someone. So give us the real story.” I sat there staring like an idiot at Dylan, mouth open unable to take an even breath. “I don’t…” deep breath. “I really…” Deep breath, “I…” Tori yells, frustrated “Spit it out already!” A sharp pain started up in the back of my eyes. I moaned. My breathing starts to become harder, each breath come in and out to slow. I wasn’t getting enough air. I closed my eyes shut and a hand wrapped around mine. “Willow?” Emma asked “Are you okay?” I pushed the hand away and tried to tell them I was fine but the words wouldn’t come. The back of my eyelids where dancing with colors as one last sharp pain pulsed threw my head.
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I was walking on the shoreline of a pond, feet sinking in the mud. I looked out in the pond I smiled at the noise and did it again to my other foot. I did it a few times before I heard another noise, like a gargling noise underwater. I smiled again at the funny noise. I heard it again and laughed. I looked back at the pond and my smile disappeared. Fog covered the top of the pond. The clouds were gray and wind blew the trees back and forth in torn motion. and before me the sun stood high in the sky, clouds big and puffy, sky bright blue and filled with birds. I took a second to stare at my feet as they sunk into the mud. I yanked my foot up out of the mud and it made a loud sucking noise. The gargling noise came again, but this time it left shivers going down my spine. I looked out into the pond, straining my eyes to look for what was making the noise. The fog opened at the center of the pond, leaving a path to look. The gargling noise came again, louder this time, forming more of a word. “Hemmmp” the noise made. The fog spread out more to reveal a figure in the water strands of seaweed floated around one part of it. Four logs came off the object, floating around it. My heart sank deep in my chest when I realized the seaweed was not seaweed, but hair. The logs were not logs, but arms and legs. A body of a boy laying face down in the water. “Hemmmp nee.” The body said. I dropped to my knees feeling dizzy. The body’s head lifted, pail and soaked to the bone. “Help me.” he repeated, but I just stayed there, staring at the teenage boy. “Help me!” He yelled. His head flopped back down in the water and there was no more noise. I snapped out of the trance and stood up ready to run in the water. I tried to lift up one foot but when I looked down my feet they were stuck a foot under mud. I grunted and used all my strength to lift my foot out of the mud but it wouldn’t budge. I screamed louder as I watched helpless as the fog slowly closed the path to the middle of the pond. I looked to my left and saw a boat that was upside down. I grabbed onto it and tried to **** myself out of the mud but I stopped when a voice called my name. “Willow!” the voice cried “Willow! Wake up!”.
My eyes flutter open at the sound of my voice being called out. My eyes rested on the patterned ceiling of the dining room, then on Dylan’s face staring down on me. I was on the floor, head rested in Dylan’s lap. “Willow?” his voice gental and concerned. His bright green eyes stayed connected with mine. I want to answer him. Dylan looked away from me and staired at his friends with a look of question. “ Do you think she had a sezure?” I finally looked away at him and the people around me who held me to the ground. Masan and Tori each held down one of my arms. I staired at them confused. There faces where pail, like they had scence a ghost. I want to tell them to stop touching me. They all shared a look then turned their heads to Emma who stood beside me, her eyes were filled with fear, body shacking. Then at the same time, each and every eye in the room turned toward me. I want to tell them to stop stairing at me. I wanted to tell them this, but I couldn’t. Not because I didn’t want to, but because every part of my body was numb. Nothing seemed real; my mind was in a deep haze. Something pulled and tugged but I didn’t know what. My mind raced and images ran through my mind, but nothing triggered feeling in the back of my mind. Then, like out of nowere, an image of a boat filled my mind, my vision and my feeling. The small little gray boat sat in my mind. I could feel its wood, rotted and rough under my soft hands. I could hear the the creecking of the boat as I grabbed it with my hands…tugging on it…pulling on it… I looked away to my left and there, standing between to door to the dinning room stood a boy about my age. His body was socked, his clothing dripped with water onto the wood floor. Blue eyes stood out bright underneath his dark hair. His nose was big, but it looked
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I was walking on the shoreline of a pond, feet sinking in the mud. I looked out in the pond I smiled at the noise and did it again to my other foot. I did it a few times before I heard another noise, like a gargling noise underwater. I smiled again at the funny noise. I heard it again and laughed. I looked back at the pond and my smile disappeared. Fog covered the top of the pond. The clouds were gray and wind blew the trees back and forth in torn motion. and before me the sun stood high in the sky, clouds big and puffy, sky bright blue and filled with birds. I took a second to stare at my feet as they sunk into the mud. I yanked my foot up out of the mud and it made a loud sucking noise. The gargling noise came again, but this time it left shivers going down my spine. I looked out into the pond, straining my eyes to look for what was making the noise. The fog opened at the center of the pond, leaving a path to look. The gargling noise came again, louder this time, forming more of a word. “Hemmmp” the noise made. The fog spread out more to reveal a figure in the water strands of seaweed floated around one part of it. Four logs came off the object, floating around it. My heart sank deep in my chest when I realized the seaweed was not seaweed, but hair. The logs were not logs, but arms and legs. A body of a boy laying face down in the water. “Hemmmp nee.” The body said. I dropped to my knees feeling dizzy. The body’s head lifted, pail and soaked to the bone. “Help me.” he repeated, but I just stayed there, staring at the teenage boy. “Help me!” He yelled. His head flopped back down in the water and there was no more noise. I snapped out of the trance and stood up ready to run in the water. I tried to lift up one foot but when I looked down my feet they were stuck a foot under mud. I grunted and used all my strength to lift my foot out of the mud but it wouldn’t budge. I screamed louder as I watched helpless as the fog slowly closed the path to the middle of the pond. I looked to my left and saw a boat that was upside down. I grabbed onto it and tried to **** myself out of the mud but I stopped when a voice called my name. “Willow!” the voice cried “Willow! Wake up!”.
My eyes flutter open at the sound of my voice being called out. My eyes rested on the patterned ceiling of the dining room, then on Dylan’s face staring down on me. I was on the floor, head rested in Dylan’s lap. “Willow?” his voice gental and concerned. His bright green eyes stayed connected with mine. I want to answer him. Dylan looked away from me and staired at his friends with a look of question. “ Do you think she had a sezure?” I finally looked away at him and the people around me who held me to the ground. Masan and Tori each held down one of my arms. I staired at them confused. There faces where pail, like they had scence a ghost. I want to tell them to stop touching me. They all shared a look then turned their heads to Emma who stood beside me, her eyes were filled with fear, body shacking. Then at the same time, each and every eye in the room turned toward me. I want to tell them to stop stairing at me. I wanted to tell them this, but I couldn’t. Not because I didn’t want to, but because every part of my body was numb. Nothing seemed real; my mind was in a deep haze. Something pulled and tugged but I didn’t know what. My mind raced and images ran through my mind, but nothing triggered feeling in the back of my mind. Then, like out of nowere, an image of a boat filled my mind, my vision and my feeling. The small little gray boat sat in my mind. I could feel its wood, rotted and rough under my soft hands. I could hear the the creecking of the boat as I grabbed it with my hands…tugging on it…pulling on it… I looked away to my left and there, standing between to door to the dinning room stood a boy about my age. His body was socked, his clothing dripped with water onto the wood floor. Blue eyes stood out bright underneath his dark hair. His nose was big, but it looked
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goood and to much to read but guud
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