What do u think of my story so far?
Prolouge
The ashes fell like snow from the bloodred sky. There was neither a sun, nor a moon in the sky, only clouds. The only light was from the streetlamps, the lights were dim, but still illuminated the streets. It was December 21, 1942, World War II. People were scattered throughout the streets in small huddled groups. They were people of many colors, and laungues as well. All with one thing in common. Sorrow. Hitler had just attacked New York City. People attempted to comfort one another, but in the end, they failed. Some people said that everything would be alright. But, you and I know well enough that it wouldn't be the same, those people had been lying through their teeth. They couldn't raise the dead. Time seemed to move slowly, as if waking up from a nap.
A man dressed in strange clothing, nowadays, more commonly known as punk, walked through the people on the street at a fast and consistent pace. His skin was closer to pale, rather than tan. His eyes were two colors, black and gray. The man's hair was sweet brunette, he wore shades though in real time it was close to midnight. He had a British accent, though he didn't originate from either England, or America.
His heavy combat move made plenty of noise, but no one noticed. His boots left no imprint in the thick ashes, he checked for cracks that were deep enough to rech his home. He walked without stopping for anything. Then, he came to an abrupt stop.
Hsssssss... he heard very faintly. He knew that a Python was on his ankle. Someone was trying to kill him. No matter how small, a python was always deadly. He couldn't do anything, he was still tired from putting a shield up around the city. His math had been pretty off, so instead of sixty minutes, the city would be protected for sixty years, maybe less, maybe more. He only wanted 'about' sixty minutes anyways. He braced himself for the poison to quickly spread throughout his body. The python that was wrapped around his ankle, it was poised to stirke, it knew just where to bite. The momentum of eternal pain never came. The python was off his ankle, and in the hands of a young girl
She had short bobbed black hair. She looked like out of place four year old, except for her eyes. They were a color- of not any one particular color, they were always changing. They were dim and bloodshot from tears. She stared blankly at the python that was now dead. The face of the dead python reflected in her misty mirror-like eyes. Her face was calm as he carried her, but her grip on the snake's neck remained as tense as ever. He put her on his motorcycle's sidecar, that evidently hadn't been there before. It was a Harley Davidson, it had a black and red design of flames. He revved the engine, and drove into the darkness. There was no evidence that the twosome had ever been there, except for the strangled Python, which soon turned to ashes. No one could remember anything, that piece of history would be erased. Within the next few days, the ashes cleared up, and no one knew where they were. They continued on with their lives, as if nothing ever happened. But, it did, relentless, that's the way it stays.
Chapter I:
Alexandra
I knew that something was wrong, when he began to play with his food.
"What's the matter?" I asked curiously, beef jerky and panckes were his favorite.
"It's nothing," he muttered. He hadn't been acting himself lately.
"Okay, I'm not going to bother you if you don't want to talk about," I said, I was pulling 'the card' on him.
"Fine," he said, it'd worked, I'd broken him. "I'll tell you."
"What is it?" I asked.
"You're adopted," he said, sighing.
"You're kidding," I said, thinking that he was playing mind games.
"I'm not," he said, he said, with a strange look on his face, that was hard to read.
He didn't look like he was kidding, and I knew that I could trust him, I'd lived with him and his family ever since I could remember.
"I'm seriously not lying," Damion said, with that strange look on his face.
"Fine, I believe you," I said, giving in, I trusted him. "Anything else you'd like to tell me?"
"You're going to live with your aunt from now on." He had a strangled look on his face "in Britan, it's decided." My mouth was gaping in a big 'O', I had no other thing to do, I didn't know what to really say.
"So, you're just going to send me away, to a woman who I've never met?" anger flowed through me, I couldn't believe what was happening. They were shipping me away to Britan. To a woman I didn't know. I ran to my bedroom, Damion made no effort to get up, he slouched in the chair, still with that strangled look on his face. I threw open my bedroom door, and buried my face in t
The ashes fell like snow from the bloodred sky. There was neither a sun, nor a moon in the sky, only clouds. The only light was from the streetlamps, the lights were dim, but still illuminated the streets. It was December 21, 1942, World War II. People were scattered throughout the streets in small huddled groups. They were people of many colors, and laungues as well. All with one thing in common. Sorrow. Hitler had just attacked New York City. People attempted to comfort one another, but in the end, they failed. Some people said that everything would be alright. But, you and I know well enough that it wouldn't be the same, those people had been lying through their teeth. They couldn't raise the dead. Time seemed to move slowly, as if waking up from a nap.
A man dressed in strange clothing, nowadays, more commonly known as punk, walked through the people on the street at a fast and consistent pace. His skin was closer to pale, rather than tan. His eyes were two colors, black and gray. The man's hair was sweet brunette, he wore shades though in real time it was close to midnight. He had a British accent, though he didn't originate from either England, or America.
His heavy combat move made plenty of noise, but no one noticed. His boots left no imprint in the thick ashes, he checked for cracks that were deep enough to rech his home. He walked without stopping for anything. Then, he came to an abrupt stop.
Hsssssss... he heard very faintly. He knew that a Python was on his ankle. Someone was trying to kill him. No matter how small, a python was always deadly. He couldn't do anything, he was still tired from putting a shield up around the city. His math had been pretty off, so instead of sixty minutes, the city would be protected for sixty years, maybe less, maybe more. He only wanted 'about' sixty minutes anyways. He braced himself for the poison to quickly spread throughout his body. The python that was wrapped around his ankle, it was poised to stirke, it knew just where to bite. The momentum of eternal pain never came. The python was off his ankle, and in the hands of a young girl
She had short bobbed black hair. She looked like out of place four year old, except for her eyes. They were a color- of not any one particular color, they were always changing. They were dim and bloodshot from tears. She stared blankly at the python that was now dead. The face of the dead python reflected in her misty mirror-like eyes. Her face was calm as he carried her, but her grip on the snake's neck remained as tense as ever. He put her on his motorcycle's sidecar, that evidently hadn't been there before. It was a Harley Davidson, it had a black and red design of flames. He revved the engine, and drove into the darkness. There was no evidence that the twosome had ever been there, except for the strangled Python, which soon turned to ashes. No one could remember anything, that piece of history would be erased. Within the next few days, the ashes cleared up, and no one knew where they were. They continued on with their lives, as if nothing ever happened. But, it did, relentless, that's the way it stays.
Chapter I:
Alexandra
I knew that something was wrong, when he began to play with his food.
"What's the matter?" I asked curiously, beef jerky and panckes were his favorite.
"It's nothing," he muttered. He hadn't been acting himself lately.
"Okay, I'm not going to bother you if you don't want to talk about," I said, I was pulling 'the card' on him.
"Fine," he said, it'd worked, I'd broken him. "I'll tell you."
"What is it?" I asked.
"You're adopted," he said, sighing.
"You're kidding," I said, thinking that he was playing mind games.
"I'm not," he said, he said, with a strange look on his face, that was hard to read.
He didn't look like he was kidding, and I knew that I could trust him, I'd lived with him and his family ever since I could remember.
"I'm seriously not lying," Damion said, with that strange look on his face.
"Fine, I believe you," I said, giving in, I trusted him. "Anything else you'd like to tell me?"
"You're going to live with your aunt from now on." He had a strangled look on his face "in Britan, it's decided." My mouth was gaping in a big 'O', I had no other thing to do, I didn't know what to really say.
"So, you're just going to send me away, to a woman who I've never met?" anger flowed through me, I couldn't believe what was happening. They were shipping me away to Britan. To a woman I didn't know. I ran to my bedroom, Damion made no effort to get up, he slouched in the chair, still with that strangled look on his face. I threw open my bedroom door, and buried my face in t
Answers:
The plot seems good but there are some misspellings and parts that don't make sense, like the python.
I think its good, other than the mistakes as I've seen you mentioned at the bottom.
I really liked your description of the "punk" at the beginning of the story!!
keep up the good workk!!! Love it! :D
I really liked your description of the "punk" at the beginning of the story!!
keep up the good workk!!! Love it! :D
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